I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
where are my eyebrows?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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