end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
