is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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