He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
