I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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