I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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