I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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