She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
