I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
