Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
