Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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