You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
