I think I won the penis lottery.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
