Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is classic penis vs brain.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
