I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mom said you looked used
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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