So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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