Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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