so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
