So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
