its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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