i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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