I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
