I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
