Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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