I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
