God, you're like boner-b-gone
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
