is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This house was built for laser tag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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