I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
