I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
