Where did you get a picture of my penis
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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