last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
