Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
