Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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