I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
