Ambien. No doubt about it.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
