P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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