u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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