Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize