Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
