remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
