You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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