Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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