I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
