u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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