your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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