I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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