I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
