I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize