Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
