got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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