Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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