is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
