shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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