But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
