I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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