That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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