I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
