He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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