You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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