my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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