he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
