stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize