thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we're so committed to being not committed
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