If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
