he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
