He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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