Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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