I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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