I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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