hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
