I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
