I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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