24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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