She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
