just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
