the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize