She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
